Percy's Vision of a Vampire Romance Novel
by KatieNWard
Summary: Percy and Annabeth are sitting by the lake when suddenly Percy comes up with this crazy story. Crack fic. Just a fun little idea made up with a good friend.


**A/N: This fic is written by myself and HoneyBearChibiPandaSmexBree.**

Percy and Annabeth lounged by the canoe lake on a hot summer day at Camp Half-Blood. They sat in silence for a while.

Then, suddenly, Percy piped up. "Annabeth, can I ask you something?"

"What?" she answered, looking at him from the corner of her eye.

"I was just thinking...what if someone wrote a story about a manly girl with long dark hair who moves to a town, where she meets a family of vampires that are vegetarians?"

"And what, she and one of the vampires fall in love or something?" Annabeth questioned sarcastically.

"Exactly! And the guy- who's a mind reader- likes to go into her room without her knowing, and watches her sleep. And he's interested in her, because he can't read her mind, but can hear her sleep talk."

"Uh-huh..."

"And even though they deny their love for each other, they go on a date to some field and make horrible similes to express their feelings."

"Like 'And so the lion fell in love with the lamb'?" she asked.

"Mhmm. And then they go on another date with the family to play baseball during a thunderstorm. Then, another group of vampires, only these aren't vegetarians, interrupts them. And then these bad guys- one blonde, one ginger, and one random Jamaican with dreads- attacks them. And they ask only for the girl because she smelled so delicious. The main guy was afraid so he takes her away to Arizona to keep her safe."

Annabeth gave him that look that she always gave him when he spoke his mind.

"Then, the bad vampire- the blonde one- calls the manly girl and is basically like: I haves your mommy, and if you don't want me to omnomnom on her then come get her. Meet me at the ballet studio. Alone. As in without that gay-fag fairy boyfriend you gots." Percy was really getting into this now.

Annabeth sighed. He was such a Seaweed Brain.

"And then that gullible little girl -who was indeed very manly- goes to the ballet studio... where alas she finds that the Evil Blondie did not have her mom. So he corners her and then jumps on her -which is kinda like rape- and bites her wrist, hoping to suck her blood. And because vampire spit is poisonous, she is on the brink of death."

"Okay..." Annabeth said slowly. "Then what? Does the 'gay-fag fairy' come and save the day?"

"Yes!" Percy exclaimed, happy that Annabeth was catching on. "But the gay-fag fairy doesn't come alone! He comes with his whole family! And the family tears him to pieces, and burns him- which is, by the way, THE ONLY way to kill a vampire."

"You're forgetting the 'Man-Lady' with the poison in her arm," Annabeth put in.

"Meh, the gay-fag fairy sucks it out of her **(A/N: Bree- Hehehe, that's not the only thing he sucks c: )**. And then she is rushed to the ER, or something."

"Where she makes a miraculous recovery, and they live happily ever after?"

"No, they go to prom first. Where the girl begs to become a vampire, and the guy is all like: Nah, guuurl~ We needa wait, hoe. We could totally spend foreva, and eva, biiiitch. And he kisses her neck, and the end," Percy finished, quite satisfied with himself and his creativeness.

Annabeth looked at him for a long time in silence. "I seriously worry about you sometimes."

Percy smirked at her.

They sat for a minute in silence, then their friend- well, not exactly friend- Clarisse sat down beside them, her head stuck in a large book.

Percy stared at her in amazement. "Oh my gods Clarisse, you can read?"

She shot him an evil glare. "Shut up, Jackson. I'm trying to finish this fantastic book."

Percy raised his eyebrows, still shocked. Annabeth watched the conversation.

Clarisse piped up after reading in silence for a few minutes. "You know, I'm not the type of girl who reads-"

"At all," Percy added in.

Clarisse growled at him and continued. "I'm not the type of girl who reads mushy, sappy romance novels, but this actually isn't half bad."

"Really? What's it about?" Annabeth asked, trying to sound interested.

"It's this amazing, young-adult vampire-romance novel. Where a girl moves to a small town, and falls in love with a vampire- who calls himself a vegetarian, which means he drinks animal blood. Anyways, because it is a vampire and a human together, their relationship has problems, such as him wanting to eat her, and enemy vampires- who are not vegetarians- wanting to kidnap her and eat her. I just got to the part where the main, bad vampire called her, saying he has her mother and wants to meet up with the main girl at the ballet studio. It's REALLYYY good."

Clarisse continued to read.

Percy and Annabeth looked at each other.

"And what is this book called?" Percy asked, trying to look at the hidden title.

"Twilight," Clarisse said, half aware of the question.

A few moments of silence passed.

"Well, later losers," she said, getting up and walking away, her face still in the book.

Percy prayed to the gods that she would run into a tree.

Percy and Annabeth looked out over the lake.

Another few moments silence.

"Well, that was interesting," Annabeth said, hoping Percy wouldn't comment.

"It's weird how the story I came up with sounded almost exactly like that book," Percy responded.

Moment of silence.

"Strange."


End file.
